No really...

Obviously I took an extended leave from updating. I will start updating soon, with the following movies:

Elizabethtown
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
Reality Bites
Brokeback Mountain
King Kong (2005)
Madagascar
Winter Passing
Metropolis
Hustle & Flow
Prozac Nation
Underworld: Evolution
V for Vendetta
Brick
Babel

So this guy walks into a talent agency...

Office Space was one of the classics that I had to get again. It’s amazing how dead on it was concerning corporate culture. Ron Livingston plays the wannabe slacker role perfectly. His buddies are great as well. Office Space gets 5 stars.

Bend It Like Beckham was recommended by an Indian friend upon learning that I had seen Monsoon Wedding. I didn’t realize beforehand that the movie was way more about Indian family tradition than it was about the soccer. The soccer was definitely present, though. I think I counted at least 6 musical soccer montages. It was interesting insight into Indian families and communities. And, well… Keira Knightley. I gave Bend It Like Bechkam 4 stars.

Identity was supposed to be this deep psychological thriller with a huge twist at the end. It really just ended up being a really weak way to kill 10 people. Kind of. Neither Cusack nor Peet, nor Liotta could do anything to save the sorry premise. I gave Identity 2 stars.

Broken Flowers follows a reluctant Bill Murray on a cross country tour to visit old girlfriends, trying to find the mother of a child he never knew he had. It was a lot of long scenic shots, and scenes of Murray driving over some decent jazz music. There wasn’t a ton of dialog or character development, really, but it was interesting enough. I gave Broken Flowers 3 stars.

Crash won the Academy Award for Best Picture. It was certainly deep and had a lot to say. The overt racism was pretty rough to watch, but I’m sure that’s what they were going for. None of the characters were remotely likeable, however, even the ones who are “redeemed” by the end of the 36 hours covered by the movie. I gave Crash 3 stars.

Murderball documents the US and Canadian wheelchair rugby teams as they train for the 2004 Olympics in Athens. The movie unflinchingly shows these guys doing many of the things that others take for granted. These guys are tough, and play a tough game. And who knew guys in wheelchairs could be so crude. I gave Murderball 5 stars.

All the Real Girls is an independent movie about young people in a small town in the south. When a known philanderer falls in love with his best friend’s sister, it gets complicated (doesn’t it always?). I got this mainly because of Zooey Deschanel, who does a great job playing confused, directionless, and endearing role. Expect long shots, some broken dialog, but a great story. I gave All the Real Girls 4 stars.

Waiting... was surprisingly funny. Ryan Reynolds more or less reprises his Van Wilder role, but the movie was really about the entire ensemble. They each added their own bit to the mix, it was a lot of fun. There was one running joke that my wife found tiresome, but I thought it was great, and kept getting better each time it was invoked. I gave Waiting 4 stars.

The Aristocrats was basically an experiment in media desensitization. If you hear the same lewd, vile, disgusting joke, over and over again, how long until you stop cringing and start enjoying it? In my case, never, really. There were some good moments. Sarah Silverman describing how her family performed the Aristorcrats act was priceless, as well as Kevin Pollack, impersonating Christopher Walken telling the joke. But ultimately, you’ll just feel like you need a shower when it’s over. I gave The Aristocrats 2 stars.

The Ice Harvest was pretty disappointing. I expect a lot from any movie with John Cusack, but this is the second in a row that I’ve seen of his that pretty much sucked. Oliver Platt valiantly tries to make the movie funny, playing an incredible drunk sidekick role. Cusack himself was only ok, and Billy Bob Thornton and Connie Nielsen were just terrible. I gave The Ice Harvest 2 stars.

For some reason, I had the impression that The Squid and the Whale was a comedy. So very wrong. Watching the way this family disintegrates was so very brutal. It was hard to watch the oldest son emulating his father, who was more of a role model on what not to be when you grow up. Had it not been for the last 5 or so minutes, I would have given it a 1. I gave it a pretty charitable 2 stars.

As a dedicated fan of the Final Fantasy video games, Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children came with much anticipation. It did not disappoint. There was plenty of fan service, to be sure, and I ate it up. Tifa’s Matrix-esque fight in the church, the characters showing up one by one to fight Bahamut, the massive climactic battle, and the emotional ending all made this the best video game movie ever. And it was gorgeous. There are places where you wouldn’t know it was animated, it looked so real. This is the sort of movie they should have made instead of The Spirits Within. I gave FF7:AC 5 stars.

Shopgirl was a really well done story of a lonely girl and the two men of completely different backgrounds (and ages) that she dates. Steve Martin did a good job with the older man character (and he should, since he wrote the screenplay). Claire Danes, however, was incredible. She played a huge range of emotions in this movie, and plays every one perfectly. It makes me want to see some of her older stuff again, like My So-Called Life and Romeo + Juliet. I gave Shopgirl 4 stars.

And it's always there... just waiting to suck.

200 Cigarettes was a reasonably interesting account of at least 6 different groups of people and their varied twisted routes to the same New Years Eve party in 1981. Courtney Love was surprisingly impressive; I really liked her character. Many of the other characters were not that memorable, but as an ensemble cast, it worked. I gave the movie 3 stars.

The Longest Yard (2005) is the remade story of the famous quarterback that goes to jail. Once there, he leads a football team made up of prisoners against the guards’ team. It was interesting how many professional athletes were in the movie. I suppose the idea was that they wouldn’t need to teach them how to play football. Unfortunately, they forgot to teach them how to act. Michael Irvin and Bill Romanowski were particularly bad. Regardless of that, the movie is pretty entertaining. Everybody loves seeing hard football hits and jokes about prison sex, right? Don’t expect deep thought, but do expect decent laughs. I gave it 4 stars.

The United States of Leland relates the story of a troubled teen (Leland, played by Ryan Gosling) that stabs his girlfriend’s retarded younger brother for no apparent reason. The story follows both the grieving family and the teacher trying to understand Leland’s problems and motivations. Gosling was impressive, as was Don Cheadle. My favorite, though, was Jena Malone. She plays the girlfriend, and plays it sad, confused, and very interesting. Jena can do no wrong in my book. I gave the movie 5 stars.

Batman Begins as most people say, was definitely the best in the series. There was no comic book cheese, no unnecessary one-liners, and most importantly, no DeVito, Carrey, Kilmer, Clooney, O’Donnell, Silverstone, or Schwarzenegger. Christian Bale was certainly dark and kicked a lot of ass, but I thought he was a little over-the-top in some cases with his intense snarls. I’ve missed Katie Holmes, believe it or not, and I thought she did a decent job being the high-and-mighty to Bruce’s extravagances. I gave the movie 4 stars.

Ice Age was pretty unimpressive as far as a modern animated movie is concerned. Maybe my standards have been set too high by The Incredibles and Shrek, but I was expecting more animation quality and script content. It was enjoyable but nothing special. I gave the movie 3 stars.

There’s no a lot that needs to be said about Bad Santa. The only surprise was the sheer amount of swearing in the dialog. I’m pretty sure it’s the highest frequency of the f-bomb that I have ever heard in a movie. Lauren Graham’s character was the only remotely interesting character, and there was barely enough humor to keep me from stopping the movie before the end. I gave it 2 stars.

Van Helsing was a movie that I had high hopes for at first. With every trailer I saw, however, the cheesier it looked. Cheesy is definitely the key word here. The whole sequence with Jekyl/Hyde was terrible, and it only went on from there. The James Bond training room, Kate Beckinsale’s character (and the accompanying accent), Frankenstein’s monster, Dracula’s brides, and the ending specifically maintain the cheese theme throughout. There was nothing exciting or remotely interesting here. I gave it 2 stars.

Pirates of the Caribbean is another movie that people were continually surprised that I never seen it. Maybe it’s because the buzz had worn off, but I didn’t think this movie was anything special. Yes, Johnny Depp was fun to watch, but the rest of the cast was pretty run-of-the-mill. I could have done with a movie that was thirty minutes shorter. I gave it 3 stars.

Go is one of my all time favorite movies, but I hadn’t seen it since college. This seemed like a good time to get it and refresh my memory. It was as good as I remember it. The entire cast makes the movie so fun to watch. Katie Holmes, Sarah Polley, and especially Timothy Olyphant do great jobs throughout. I gave it 5 stars.

Cheaters was the intriguing story of the students from an inner city Chicago school who cheat on a state academic competition, beating the reigning champion. The movie then follows their attempts to keep it under wraps in the face of the media. It puts you in an uncomfortable position: you know they cheated, but you like the characters. Cheaters is actually based a true story, which made it that much more intriguing. Jena Malone, as usual, does a great job. I gave it 4 stars.

High Fidelity holds another spot in the list of my favorite movies. John Cusack does a great job of showing how music and the women of his past effect his life. I liked the narrative style, with Cusack talking to you like you’re in the room. This might have been the first role that I had seen Jack Black play, and it was very funny. What do we need to do to get Sara Gilbert in more movies in bigger roles? If someone has the answer, let me know. I gave it 5 stars.

Why do they travel in packs?

Million Dollar Baby was an interesting movie that is difficult to write about without spoilers. It is definitely a good movie and well worth watching. Clint Eastwood, Hilary Swank, and Morgan Freeman are all impressive in their roles, and the movie has a good message. Unless you don't agree with that message. Then you probably will hate this movie with a religious passion. I gave it 4 stars.

I saw Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire on opening night, and had to go to a later show because the earlier showings were already sold out at 9:30 AM. My showing was packed, and the crowd was psyched. And for good reason. Detractors will tell you that it was too fast, they packed in too much, etc. None of that matters. I thought it was the best movie in the series to date. It looked great. It felt great, as far as what was cut and how they told the story. I can't wait to see it again. I gave it 5 stars.

Thirteen was one of the more uncomfortable movies I've seen in a while. It's literally the story of a girl gone wild. Good student, nice person, until she makes friends with the wrong person, and over a very short period of time, gets into drugs, alcohol, and more. All the while her mother (who has plenty of her own issues) ignores it until it's out of control. This movie should scare the living crap out of anyone who has (or will have) daughters. But that's why those very people should see the movie. Evan Rachel Wood is going to be a star. I gave it 3 stars.

I only half watched Ice Princess, and that was probably enough. It was classic Disney cheese, for the most part, but it did have a few things going for it. Mainly, Michelle Trachtenberg. I saw a lot of her Buffy character in her Casey, but she did a really good job. There was also quite a bit of good music. There were issues too. The nerd thing was very overwrought. It would have been nice if there were a few scenes where Michelle wasn't spewing random physics equations or principles. I gave it 3 stars.

Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle was a lot of fun. It bordered on reality for a while, before going far beyond, but it doesn't matter. The dialog was alternately witty and vulgar, the jokes were hilarious, the cameos priceless (Neil Patrick Harris ftw!). I gave it 4 stars.

My brother recommended The Last Samauri a long time ago. I knew it was a good movie that I needed to see eventually. It exceeded my expectations. Tom Cruise is not a big favorite of mine, but I learned to like and appreciate his character. The whole cast was impressive, especially Ken Watanabe as the leader of the samauri. It was a little weird to see Wormtail in something other than a Potter movie. I gave The Last Samauri 5 stars.

The newest incarnation of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was interesting. I liked the new Oompah Loompahs, and Johnny Depp was incredible. I don't think there's a better character actor in the business today. The movie did drag a bit. After the first one, the songs felt very unnecessary. I gave it 3 stars.

Who is Kaiser Soze?

The Usual Suspects is another one of those movies that people talk about so much you eventually have to see it. It definitely did not disappoint. It’s paced remarkably well, with just enough of the story revealed at intervals to keep you guessing. As soon as you think you get a handle on it, you’re thrown another curve. Kevin Spacey was amazing in his role of the gimpy criminal. I gave The Usual Suspects 4 stars.

Halle Berry won the Most Outstanding Actress Oscar for Monster's Ball. I don’t see it. The movie was decent, but not really thanks to anything she did. Her performance was uninspired, in my opinion. Billy Bob Thornton was average, at best. Sean Combs was surprisingly good Berry’s death row inmate husband. The movie was worth watching, but nothing special. The main issue I had was Thornton’s change in world view for a reason that I don’t buy. I gave it 3 stars.

Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story definitely had its moments. I’d seen the “If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball” bit in commercials dozens of times, but it still managed to be funny. Hooray again for Alan Tudyk, in a hilarious role that was perfect for him. Christine Taylor looked amazing in the leather getup they wore in one of their matches. The only complaint I had is that it often goes for the easy jokes you can see coming a mile away. Worth seeing for the funny, Christine Taylor, and the Lance Armstrong cameo. I gave it 3 stars.

Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels was a lot of fun. It takes a while to get warmed up, because you are constantly being bombarded with the introduction of new characters. I don’t think I could tell you the name of a single character, but I usually knew who they were talking about, somehow. It was good to see Vinnie Jones in the role that got him into the business; I only knew him from one of my guiltiest pleasures, Eurotrip. I have to question Netflix’s genre categorization. They call it a Thriller, while I’d consider it a Comedy. Regardless, I gave it 4 stars.

Now, Suicide Kings I would consider a Thriller, while Netflix calls it a Comedy. Denis Leary is definitely funny, but that’s more of a tension breaker, in my mind, than a defining characteristic. Christopher Walken is brilliant in this, as is the aforementioned Leary, but the rest of the cast is middling to mediocre (which is probably 2 ways to say the same thing). Jeremy Sisto was only OK, and I’m sick of seeing Jay Mohr in the same role all the time. The movie was worth seeing through once. I gave it 3 stars.

The Opposite of Sex was surprisingly good. It was interesting how Christina Ricci’s character was such a driving force in the movie, when she really wasn’t on camera that much. The movie isn’t actually much about her, but the characters around her, and their reactions to her manipulations. It was interesting to see the characters’ relationships with one another twist and turn under stress. Kudos to Johnny Galecki (of Roseanne fame) for being the funniest, over-the-top gay guy I’ve seen in a movie in a while. I gave The Opposite of Sex 4 stars.

Serenity: Spoiler Free Review

I had the chance to run up to Grand Rapids for an early screening of Serenity on Tuesday night. It was a cool experience. Some of us there were Bloggers, but most were people who got tickets from KLQ, a local rock station.

The movie is incredible. For those of us who know the show, there are some moments in the beginning that are pretty slow, because it explains things we already know. This is understandable, though, because it needs to appeal to a wider audience. I truly believe that this movie can. I think anyone can be interested in these characters and this universe. The action is intense, the jokes are funny, the effects are impressive. Summer Glau does a great job playing a bigger part in the movie than she ever was allowed in the show. Nathan Fillion had better start showing up in more movies; as Joss says, he's a Big Damn Movie Star.

Did you just say "My ass"?

Only a couple reviews to give since the last post.

Rounders was an interesting look at the world of illicit poker in New York. Scott points out in his blog that the movie was ahead of his time, and he's right. One has to wonder if this movie had anything to do with the incredible popularity of poker on television. The movie itself was really good. It is very well written, and the acting is impressive, with the exception of Matt Damon's girlfriend, played by Gretchen Mol. I was really impressed with Edward Norton. He's good at making you feel a certain way about his character. You're supposed to dislike him, and you do. I gave Rounders 4 stars.

May was another one of those movies I went in really wanting to like it. The description on Netflix made it seem like a really interesting story about a girl who's had a hard time in her life. Which it is for most of the movie. Then it finally started earning its place in the Horror genre, and became very ridiculous and cliched (and flinchingly gross). I think the movie could have been a lot better with a different last ten minutes. Angela Bettis was incredible playing the fatally introverted main character. Anna Faris was very over-the-top; I was hoping for more from her. Jeremy Sisto of Six Feet Under fame was pretty good though. I gave May 2 stars.

I love watching TV series on DVD. Wonderfalls was a show I'd only heard about because Tim Minear was the executive producer. Minear was a writer on dozens of Angel episodes and was an Executive Producer and writer on Firefly. Despite the Joss Whedon influence, I didn't pay the show any heed. The show centers around a girl named Jaye, who puts her philosophy degree to good use at a souvenir shop in her home town of Niagara Falls. Toy animals begin to talk to her, coercing her into performing good deeds. The writing is really good, and Caroline Dhavernas (copy and paste for the win) does a great job making Jaye snarky yet sensitive. Sadly, this show got the Fox special treatment, and was cancelled after 12 episodes. I gave it 5 stars on Netflix.